She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
