I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
