I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
