Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
