toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
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When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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