Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
