Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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