I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
