when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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