I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
