Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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