HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
