If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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