PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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