I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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