Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
zippers are such a cool invention
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
