He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
