toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
