you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
