how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
