youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
