shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
