i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
