i don't like sucking hair
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
