I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
