I am in a vortex of obligation.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
