...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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