so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
