Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
