im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize