Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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