kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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