Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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