we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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