Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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