saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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