just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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