So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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