I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize