Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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