How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
