i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
