If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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