my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
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I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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