bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
false alarm, still single
Randomize
