They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
