Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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