Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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