Non-Jews are for practice
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
