sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
