Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
