so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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