shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Randomize
