Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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