At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it hurts more in the daytime
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
