Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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